Thursday, February 26, 2009

Sean Hannity Stars in..."The Retarded Recruiter"

A few words about the Hannitizer. He may be able to whack off with the best of us, but beyond that he's a fucking coward-ass retard. I mean, seriously? That shit stain tried to run a poll on his website to find out how many of his sheep supported succession from the Union!

It has 45 votes so far.

I guess that trial balloon has burst pretty fast, huh Hanndicap? You ain't nothin' but a wish and a prayer, bitch. Your wimp-ass couldn't skin the hide off a catfish. I wish you motherfuckers would try some shit like "succession" I sure would! Myself, I would love to sack some red-coat Tory ass! Just like the old Patriots!!! YeeeeeeeeeHAAWWWWWW!

So what are you waiting for, boy? Gen up, Poindexter. Gather your troops. Lay your hand down on the table, pussy, I triple-dog dare you. We already smashed your Tory asses from the inside out once, we can damn sure do it again...

P.S. About your retarded-ass website: there is a big banner entitled "Hannity's Top 10 Items for Victory." But there is no top 10 list? It just leads to some article by Zahra Hosseinian about Iran. What's up with that? Why are you trying to fake that you have unique ideas? Oh wait, never mind...

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

A Responsibility Lesson: by Elmo

First of all, if you need a lesson (and a simple at that) in responsibility from me, then you know you've gone and fucked-up royally!

Now, Mr. Jendal...may I call you Bobby? Yes? Good, then let me ask you this, Mr. Wingdork, where is that "value of all values" you Retardicans claim to have called "personal responsibility?" Because even with my limited responsibility shills I can see the flaw in calling the Democrats "irresponsible" know, CLEANING UP IRRESPONSIBLE RETARDICAN MESSES!

I hear what you're saying, though...

"Liberals are SO irresponsible for having the gall to try and save the country from our conservative ideology that they will ruin our conservative ideology to do it!!!"

But...and this is just common sense, your ideology does suck? You should stop taking marching orders from Rush Limp-baugh. You'll end up destroying brain cells and your head doesn't house enough of them to begin with.

So here is your lesson, "Bobby," next time you and your ilk ride the better part of three decades claiming to be the most "personally responsible" people on the might want to think twice about fucking up the WORLD'S economy and then not taking "PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY" for it.

There, I told you my lessons were simple... (BONUS: It would help if y'all would stop lying all the time, too)

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Trick or Treat, smell my feet, burn your ass with Willie Pete...

To all you Willie Pete deniers, suck on my balls...

Ok, ok...I hear you out there who say all you've seen is photos that could have been cropped from anywhere. Where is the real proof of what this white phosphorous shit really does to people? I hear you. You're fucking ignorant as all get-out, but I hear ya.

So here is what we need. We need a release from the Pentagon of the Army training material we give our soldiers who have a chance to be around that shit. You know, like the kind of training I had to go through to be able to wear those 203 Willie Pete rounds on that grenadier vest I used to wear? They showed us all kinds of photos of dumb asses who came in contact with that shit. Would you like to see what they showed me? I sure would like you to see it...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Two of my favorites...

This is what we pass off as "theater" in Austin, TX...

This is my favorite Asylum Street Spankers' song...

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Whether it's evolution or devaluation, we haven't changed much...

Like Blue Girl says..."Everything old is new again"

Utah State Senator: Gay People Are 'The Greatest Threat To America'

Normally, as you all know, I would be itching to smash wingnut balls after listening to shit like that. But I'm strangely calm. I get this way when the combination of very very very old, very very old, very old, old, yesterday, and today circle my consciousness in a way my commoner ass can't ignore. But why?

Who gives a fuck? I don't. I'll leave that to the psychologists to figure out...

All I give a fuck about is not losing the clarity of sight so graciously given to me. Be it by evolution or God almighty - I don't give a fuck. Just give me more clarity! So I'll let The Existentialist Cowboy take it from here...

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Stimulus is Headed to the President's Desk

Thank you President Obama. Now it's time for the working men and women of America to show you bitches what's up...

Sunday, February 08, 2009

Steele Tokin'

Did you see RNC Chairman Michael Steele on ABC's This Week with George Stephanopoulos? It was a fucking riot! Just to be up front, whatever Steele is smoking...I want some.

Apparently, the weed Steele smokes is so good that it gives him the power to make a job not a job. Seriously, he told George Snuffleupagus today that if the government makes it, it ain't a job. Only private sector jobs are actually "jobs" because, get this- "they are permanent." I told you he was smoking the good shit! Mr. Steele sat on TV and with a straight face told America that they didn't need a government job with only a 2 to 4 year contract. He wants you to stay shamefully unemployed till a decent, permanent private sector job comes along.

On second thought, maybe it would not be wise to smoke whatever Steele is smoking. I mean, it would be cool and all to be able to go to work and have it not be an actual job, like Mr Steele does at the RNC, but I can see pitfalls with being so stupid in such important times as these.

Say you are out somewhere with your mother or father and they have a heart attack. You notice there is an emergency defibrillator available and you are trained to use it proficiently. If you had smoked some of Mr Steele's shit you might stop and think..."wait a minute, do I really want to break the seal on this defibrillator?" Then your next thought would be, "These things are so damn expensive!" Then you would have a stroke of genius..."I could get my mom's/father's heart beating again, but what is the point, their heart will eventually stop working for good one day anyway, right?" And they die.

Remember, stupid is as stupid does...

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Thune'r or Later

You knew the wingnuts would sling some shit like this at us Thune'r or later. That's what children do. And why the Blogs created me, Elmo, to destroy them. You see, I can get on their level rather easily. In a sick way I like being under their skin, making them itch.

Sen. John "Randolph" Thune and his merry band of retards thought it would be cute to stir up the posse with an amendment to the economic stimulus package so ridiculous that the Thunester himself couldn't even read it with a straight face last night when he brought it to the Senate floor. Hell, he didn't even get a second for a vote! The amendment basically would have used the $900+ billion to give $10,000+ to married couples and $5000+ to singles who earned less than $250,000 and paid income taxes in 2007. But it wasn't his baby anyway, it was Limp-baugh's. It was meant to be silly, for sure, but when Rush's authoritarian ass sees how much his sheep are embracing it he will declare it as serious as the gospels.

Limp was not on his radio show all week. He's been playing General and maneuvering the troops around the Senate floor like chess pieces. The fucker is so drunk with power he'll be proclaiming himself as the second coming of Christ soon. And his followers will believe him.

So, why did Rush have Thune do this? It's quite simple, really. His theory(lie) about why the stimulus package contains spending and tax cuts starting at the bottom(demand-side economics) is that it is just to buy votes for future elections. He pushes this lie so hard because of the fact that they literally do buy votes with their supply-side cockamamie horseshit. So he will be on his radio show Monday trying to play devil's advocate: "Why is giving that much in tax cuts so outrageous but the government SPENDING that much is fine and dandy?"

Now, you out there who use your brain will have noticed several problems with that lunacy right off the bat. Limp's followers won't give it a second thought, it will be absolutely sensible to them. I think there will be excellent opportunities to have a lot of fun in the coming week. And the more prepared one is the more fun there is to be had!

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Sam & Sally Simpleton are Economists now, well, no...but they did stay at a Limp-baugh Inn Express last night!

Look Sam, and Sally, I know you have not had too many enlightning experiences in your lives. I can only imagine how much that must suck, seriously. I can even understand that you could give two shits about the evidence history provides us, or just plain simple logic for that mater; but isn't it at the part of this insidious cycle we go through where you give it a fucking rest?

How much more mocking and ridicule can your cause endure before your numbers reach prehistoric like, ahhh...Armageddon like proportions! Uh, strike that...silly me, you fucks want that shit.

Forgive me, lets get back on topic. So you simple guys and gals are pissed, I can see that. You expect simple answers to complex questions and that kind of ridicules horseshit thinking ain't quite as popular as you think it should be. Am I right? Of course I am.

Look, shit-for-brains, I ain't got a lot of time here and quite frankly you kind of people perturb me. So listen up and get me straight the first time. You are sheep, and the sheep herder (i.e. your dear leader Limp) you follow is fucking you up the ass as we speak. And not even giving you a reach around. Have you ever stopped to think just once he might have ulterior motives? Like making himself rich off your stupidity (not to mention getting his jollies off the power he has over you)? Hell no, of course you haven't. You're idiots.

Look, we have no hope of compromise. It's your way or the highway and frankly, your road make the Chisholm Trail seem like a comfy stroll down memory lane. There is no reasoning with you. You already know it all and screw revelations to the contrary. So you sheep bah bah bah about TAX CUTS!!!


You know that sounds cool! You got a hard on...didn't you? One question. Where the fuck have you been the last eight years? Do you know that the Fed rate is near zero? Do you think taxes should be zero? Because that's where we're heading. Do you still think that's a good idea? I know, you're confused at best. And when confused, you'll just parrot what dear leader Limp says. That is what makes you wingnuts. There is no changing that.

Spending got us out of The Great Depression, morons. It was called WWII. Remember? You love to proclaim that fact! What? Not anymore? ROFLMAO!!!

You will have to be made fun of to the point it is mental torture. That's right, I said it...TORTURE! There is no shame too low to bestow on you. No ridicule too obscene. By the time your legacy is done your lives' journeys will out match the greatest Shakespearean tragedies. Funny thing is...that fact will make you proud of yourselves!

Well, enjoy your last days, winguts, I could care less if you go with a smile on your face or not. Just as long as your fascist asses are out the door...
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