1984 Alert...

Everyone: go watch this (it has sound, so turn it up).

Via Guerrillas in the Midst and Tubthumper.

What's Less Than Elmo's Age?

Bush's approval rating. Maybe it's because he hates African Americans, maybe it's because he hates veterans, maybe it's because he hates the elderly. But Bush is not all hate...he absolutely adores the rich.

You Wish

Band of the Week: PushMonkey

PushMonkey had a new LP last year, but I'm going with the old school Fatrobot style shit. Here is Neiderwald, whatever that means. It's some sort of robot jargan.

Bush said "People Don't Need To Worry About Security". Am I the only one that feels like we're in a Maize?

Teh wants Jim Thome to knock on his door, right... about... Now(live).

Nölff will stop being a Loner this year...it's the year of the Monkey. Oh wait, that was 2004. It's the year of the Dog this year. You can be a Dog, cant you Nölff?

Smartypants gets included because she is the only one who has experience infiltrating a hostile Sweet Caribbean Bungalow.

It's that time of the month in Elmo's world...so I get stuck with Handslide(acoustic)

See PushMonkey live Saturday at The Backroom in Austin, TX.

Oh Shit...It's On

That's the 1,200-year-old Askariya shrine before and after your looking at. It was blown up today. Located in Samarra, Iraq, it's one of ShiiteIslam's holiest shrines. If there was no civil war in Iraq before, there is now.

Let United Arab Emirates Manage our Seaports?

The State Department's Discription of UAE.

The United Arab Emirates (UAE) is a federation of seven independent emirates, each with its own ruler. The federal government is a constitutional republic, headed by a president and council of ministers. Islamic ideals and beliefs provide the conservative foundation of the country's customs, laws and practices.

Band of the Week: Awesome Cool Dudes

Valentines Day has passed, but you can relive the moment this weekend. Grab your girl, boy...or yourself, and snuggle on the couch with the lights down low and the smooth sound of Awesome Cool Dudes playing in the background. Your significant other will be steaming hot after the elegant sounds of Tap Dat Ass fill the air. Then slap down your Inches of Love! Oh yeah, there will be no Pullin Out Early tonight.

Rice got Peppered

Condi went to Capital Hill yesterday where Demarcate and Republican senators alike took turns grilling the Secretary of State. Sen. Chuck Hagel, R-Neb., told Rice...

"I don't see, Madame Secretary, how things are getting better. I think things are getting worse. I think they're getting worse in Iraq. I think they're getting worse in Iran."

Sen. Lincoln Chafee, R-R.I., hammered her on the Hamas victory in Palestinian legislative elections last month.

"Now we have a very, very disastrous situation of a terrorist organization winning elections."

Even though the Bush administration, spearheaded by Rice, demanded these elections take place, Condi said...

"I don't think the United States of America is responsible for the election of Hamas. No I don't."

But John Kerry had the most interesting question. He asked, simply...

"Have you ever been involved in leaking classified information or authorized the leak of such information to the press?"

Condi did not answer the question. Instead, she threw out a Ho! Ha ha! Guard! Turn! Perry! Dodge! Spin! . What are you hiding Madame Secretary?

Breaking News: Message from Elmohammed

In a stunning audio release today, the prophet Elmohammed broke a three day silence to call his followers to jihad. The transcript of the tape, along with a photo, was originally released in the Al Murika Herald, the leading crony rag out of Kuwait, but soon spread around the world. Annalist are still debating the significance of this latest Elmohammed bloviation...

No Park Ranger on Duty...Back Next Week

Elmohammed

I wish I could take credit for this...but I can't.

Band of the Week: Three Pot Offy

Ode to the Thirty Something

Who has long past their Dumpster Diving dayz, traded ambitions of Cars and Alcohol for the triteness of Technology Overload, and watched many moons pass since last looking in the mirror to affirm, I'm Beautiful. Take not the time to anguish...your only getting older.

Well, it looks like you have to cut and paste the URL of each song in your browser and hit enter to listen. After that the links seem to work. Here are the addresses...

http://www.85db.com/audio/Dumpster%20Diving.mp3
http://www.85db.com/audio/Cars%20and%20Alcohol.mp3
http://www.85db.com/audio/Technology%20Overload.mp3
http://www.85db.com/audio/I'm%20Beautiful.mp3

Breaking News: Elmo Farted in Capital Building

The Capital building was evacuated earlier today when a previously unknown blogger "Elmo" emitted rank of lethal stankness that set off hazardous material alarms throughout the complex. The enormous suction fans constructed after 9/11, that usually suck money from the poor on it's way to the rich, were successful in containing the gas.

All inside escaped to the underground parking garage alive but will have to spend several days decontaminating in the make shift decontamination chambers constructed there. The ACLU has already got involved to "make their presence known" in an attempt to "stave off any abuses the Super Secret Service may be planning on detainees in that underground death chamber."

Super Secret Ultra-Supreme General of the Super Secret Service, Kleiner Detektiv, said "I don't give a fuck if you send the entire 9th fleet...not one of the quarantined in that parking garage will leave till that, that...FUNK...is off of them!" "If one of them gets out contaminated that stank could be around the world in three days!" After initially storming off Mr. Detektiv abruptly turned, pointed his finger and proclaimed "I will not let my children grow up in a stank filled world!" "Now get the fuck off my contamination site!"

Story developing.

Happy Happy, Joy Joy

The good people at WinningIraq.com want you to think fluffy happy thoughts when you think of Iraq. Just listen to their Song of the Week ,"I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing." They even have a theme song that sums up their loyalty to the War in Iraq...I Believe. Make sure you have something near by to gag yourself with.

Try to see the bright side of Iraq. The children baring flowers and praises, the occasional smile and thumbs up, chocolates and sugar plumes and palaces of gold...BOOM! BOOM! Oh shit! BOOM!!! You just lost both legs and a part of your frontal lobe. Wait. Wait, think happy thoughts...happy thoughts...

Band of the Week: Possessed by Paul James

Possessed by Paul James is the stage name of Konrad Wert. Konrad was raised in an Amish/Mennonite household in the Florida everglades. Now he calls Austin, TX home.




Hey you, wingnut...you got No Windows man. You proudly beat war drums proclaiming 'We Are Men' but reside to being a chickenhawk instead of The Real Deal. Basically, you are all just a bunch of Fiddle Fuckers, no better than The Warden's Wife.

See Konrad live Feb. 4th at the Hole in the Wall in Austin, TX.

Public Service Announcement from the F.B.I.

We are watching! No need to thank us...just doin' our job.