Friday, August 31, 2007

Band of the Week: Hemlock

Okay, I get the picture Chickehawks, Lords of Death, guys in funny suits using fear to Kill Your Children while the sky and the pillars of heaven shake, huh? Sure, okay, I see the Imposter, Ted Nugent and a hundred squawking Chickenhawks, and that's just for starters, right? Fine! I'm back! I'm ready, My Eyes Itch, but goddammit let me at 'em!

See Hemlock live tonight at Red 7.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I Protest

I got interviewed by the paper. They used it in this little ditty. I now have 14 minutes and 45 seconds of fame left.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Ted Nugent Shit his Pants to Avoid the Draft LOL

This mother fucking asslick chickenhawk runs around on stage with AR-15's and AK-47's like Rambo making fun of liberals while bragging about how tough he and the rest of the Conservatives are. Well, thou dost protest too much! Oh, the hilarity!!!

So Ted Nugent roams a concert stage while toting automatic weapons, calls Barack Obama "a piece of -----" and says he told Obama to suck on one of his machine-guns. He also calls Hillary Clinton a "worthless bitch" and Dianne Feinstein a "worthless whore."

That Nugent, he's a man's man. He talks the talk and walks the walk, right?

Except when it was time to register for the draft during the Vietnam era. By his own admission, Nugent stopped all forms of personal hygiene for a month and showed up for his draft board physical in pants caked with his own urine and feces, winning a deferment. Creative!

What a worthless little bitch Nugent is...

Saturday, August 25, 2007

I'm waiting on a email from Paul Donnelly...

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Bush said Iraq was NOT like Veitnam before he said it was like it

This mother fucker we call President thinks he can actually use Orwell's "1984" as a playbook...LITERALLY! We all have joked about it...but this sumbitch really thinks he can get us all to forget history! The jerkoff sincerely believes he can make you believe whatever he wants. Hello? Shit for brains? That and a Michael Vick autographed jersey will get you a Greyhound bus ticket to Nantucket!

First of all, he uses Cambodia as his main evidence, not Vietnam. Second, he has bird shit on his head because he was walking through the rose garden like a FUCKING CHICKENHAWK!

Can I get an aspirin? Bitchslapping these morons can give one a headache...

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

They Hate America

The wingnuts show their true feelings over at Family Security Matters. And the truth is, they hate America. Since the blogosphere started finding and reporting their rhetoric, though, they've started deleting and scrubbing the more radical posts. But Digby found this little gem before they deleted it...

Author: Philip Atkinson
Source: The Family Security Foundation, Inc.
Date: August 3, 2007

While democratic government is better than dictatorships and theocracies, it has its pitfalls. FSM Contributing Editor Philip Atkinson describes some of the difficulties facing President Bush today.

Conquering the Drawbacks of Democracy
By Philip Atkinson

President George W. Bush is the 43rd President of the United States. He was sworn in for a second term on January 20, 2005 after being chosen by the majority of citizens in America to be president.

Yet in 2007 he is generally despised, with many citizens of Western civilization expressing contempt for his person and his policies, sentiments which now abound on the Internet. This rage at President Bush is an inevitable result of the system of government demanded by the people, which is Democracy.

The inadequacy of Democracy, rule by the majority, is undeniable – for it demands adopting ideas because they are popular, rather than because they are wise. This means that any man chosen to act as an agent of the people is placed in an invidious position: if he commits folly because it is popular, then he will be held responsible for the inevitable result. If he refuses to commit folly, then he will be detested by most citizens because he is frustrating their demands.

When faced with the possible threat that the Iraqis might be amassing terrible weapons that could be used to slay millions of citizens of Western Civilization, President Bush took the only action prudence demanded and the electorate allowed: he conquered Iraq with an army.

This dangerous and expensive act did destroy the Iraqi regime, but left an American army without any clear purpose in a hostile country and subject to attack. If the Army merely returns to its home, then the threat it ended would simply return.

The wisest course would have been for President Bush to use his nuclear weapons to slaughter Iraqis until they complied with his demands, or until they were all dead. Then there would be little risk or expense and no American army would be left exposed. But if he did this, his cowardly electorate would have instantly ended his term of office, if not his freedom or his life.

The simple truth that modern weapons now mean a nation must practice genocide or commit suicide. Israel provides the perfect example. If the Israelis do not raze Iran, the Iranians will fulfill their boast and wipe Israel off the face of the earth. Yet Israel is not popular, and so is denied permission to defend itself. In the same vein, President Bush cannot do what is necessary for the survival of Americans. He cannot use the nation's powerful weapons. All he can do is try and discover a result that will be popular with Americans.

As there appears to be no sensible result of the invasion of Iraq that will be popular with his countrymen other than retreat, President Bush is reviled; he has become another victim of Democracy.

By elevating popular fancy over truth, Democracy is clearly an enemy of not just truth, but duty and justice, which makes it the worst form of government. President Bush must overcome not just the situation in Iraq, but democratic government.

However, President Bush has a valuable historical example that he could choose to follow.

When the ancient Roman general Julius Caesar was struggling to conquer ancient Gaul, he not only had to defeat the Gauls, but he also had to defeat his political enemies in Rome who would destroy him the moment his tenure as consul (president) ended.

Caesar pacified Gaul by mass slaughter; he then used his successful army to crush all political opposition at home and establish himself as permanent ruler of ancient Rome. This brilliant action not only ended the personal threat to Caesar, but ended the civil chaos that was threatening anarchy in ancient Rome – thus marking the start of the ancient Roman Empire that gave peace and prosperity to the known world.

If President Bush copied Julius Caesar by ordering his army to empty Iraq of Arabs and repopulate the country with Americans, he would achieve immediate results: popularity with his military; enrichment of America by converting an Arabian Iraq into an American Iraq (therefore turning it from a liability to an asset); and boost American prestiege while terrifying American enemies.

He could then follow Caesar's example and use his newfound popularity with the military to wield military power to become the first permanent president of America, and end the civil chaos caused by the continually squabbling Congress and the out-of-control Supreme Court.

President Bush can fail in his duty to himself, his country, and his God, by becoming “ex-president” Bush or he can become “President-for-Life” Bush: the conqueror of Iraq, who brings sense to the Congress and sanity to the Supreme Court. Then who would be able to stop Bush from emulating Augustus Caesar and becoming ruler of the world? For only an America united under one ruler has the power to save humanity from the threat of a new Dark Age wrought by terrorists armed with nuclear weapons.

See? I told you they were nuts!

Monday, August 20, 2007

Karl Rove's New Job

Thursday, August 16, 2007

HNT: Posse Comitatus

No! Get your mind out of the gutter pervert!

It's actually a Latin term that became a law to limit the powers of the Federal government to use the military for law enforcement. Oh shit, excuses USED to be a law to limit the powers of the Federal government to use the military for law enforcement.

I fought martial law and the, law won...

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

How do you hide money from a Retardican?

You put it under the soap!

What Kind of Democrat are You?

I was born in Dallas, TX.

I served my country as a grunt in the Army. I've crawled in the mud, froze my balls off, and toughed out the desert.

My first job was a neighborhood paper route. I've been a short order cook. I've ran my own business and employed Americans who needed work. I currently work for a multinational corporation. I will never be rich, but I will always be persistent.

I married the love of my life. Thirteen years this October. She gave me three beautiful children to adore. We push our children on their studies, and promote physical activity. We put what money we can away for their future education.

My faith drives me. I learned how to share at a young age. Yet still I am a sinner.

How's that for personal responsibility?

I'm a Democrat...

What kind of Democrat are you?

And this is not a rhetorical question, I really need to know. What kind of Democrat are you? We are such a diverse and unique group of Americans; it is just as important to know our differences as it is to unite our common goals. Your personal life stories of self sacrifice and accomplishments are just as important as the next, no matter where on the scale of mundane to extraordinary you fall. It takes us all to make the whole. I hope you will take this simple template I prepared and post your own personal version.

The mantel of "personal responsibility" was unfairly striped from us over thirty years ago...It's time we got it back. The cheaters sure don't deserve it.

So tell me, what kind of Democrat are you? It will be easy. Just be honest, tell us where you were born, and end your list of sacrifices and/or accomplishments with:

How's that for personal responsibility?

I'm a Democrat...

What kind of Democrat are you?

Maybe the DNC will take this idea and put together an awesome series of commercials with examples from nurses, firemen, electricians, astronauts, teachers, painters, policeman, daycare workers, bus drivers, executives, sports stars, farmers, convenient store clerks, bankers, sanitation workers, bartenders, doctors, house wives, etc...

You can turn the DNC on to the idea here. It starts with us.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Turd Blossom Wilts Away

Looks like Rove will be next to fall on the sword for Bush. Something very big must be coming up and they can't afford to have Rove on the payroll when it does. I can't wait to see Rove in jail...

Fella Called Rove from Texas (by elmo, to the wonderful music of The Yellow Rose of Texas)

There's a fella called Rove from Texas, who got kicked out of D.C. / Nobody else could use him, so they had to cop a plea. / He cried so when Bush left him, he'd been there from the start. / But lately when he'd hang around it smelled like greasy farts.

He's the stinkiest little turd blossom that Texas ever knew. / His nose is long as I-35, and his tactics grow from poop, / You may talk about the Constitution, and sing of the Bill of Rights. / 'Cause the fella called Rove from Texas will be leaving D.C. tonight...

When the war winds were blowing, his starry eyes got bright. / He talked of a dynasty, powered by the Right. / I know that they remember, The promises Rove sold. / But now they're losing votes by the barrel, so he's got to go.

He's the stinkiest little turd blossom that Texas ever knew. / His nose is long as I-35, and his tactics grow from poop, / You may talk about the Constitution, and sing of the Bill of Rights. / 'Cause the fella called Rove from Texas will be leaving D.C. tonight...

Oh now you can find him in Texas, counting all his dough. / He wonders often how Bush gets by with no one to score his blow. / The pundits will right stories, the history of his lore. / 'Bout the fella called Rove from Texas, who destroyed the Right forevermore!

He's the stinkiest little turd blossom that Texas ever knew. / His nose is long as I-35, and his tactics grow from poop, / You may talk about the Constitution, and sing of the Bill of Rights. / 'Cause the fella called Rove from Texas will be leaving D.C. tonight...

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Check out this Guy

Remember Bob Allen? He is The Florida Rep. that was John McCain's campaign co-chair, but got caught soliciting sex in a public bathroom. The rub of the story was that he wanted to pay to suck a dick, not to get his sucked. Well, he has a doozy of an excuse. This closet licker said that he offered $20 to an undercover officer to suck his dick because...get ready...he was SCARED. You see, poor Bob walked in and saw this stocky black man and fear rushed through him. So he gave him $20 and offered to suck his dick. You can't make this shit up people...

Monday, August 06, 2007

No Warrant, No Problem

Say goodbye to the 4th amendment. The Dem's got caught in a Karl Rove trap again. You see, the administration and the NSA agreed on the compromise, then reneged at the last minute. Now Alberto Gonzales can decide if it is OK to spy on anyone they'd like. But no one will care. Welcome to Amerika.

Friday, August 03, 2007

How to Examine the Testicles

TSE is best performed after a warm bath or shower. Heat relaxes the scrotum, making it easier to spot anything abnormal. The National Cancer Institute recommends following these steps every month:

1. Stand in front of a mirror. Check for any swelling on the scrotum skin.

2. Examine each testicle with both hands.

3. Find the epididymis, the soft, tubelike structure behind the testicle that collects and carries sperm.

4. If you find a lump, see a doctor right away.

5. If you are a chickenhawk, disregard, you are a pussy.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

Creative Ways to Take Out a Wingnut

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

That's Quit a Tight Shot Group, Worm...

Three 5.56 rounds in a shot group the size of a silver dollar, in Pat's forehead? Quit the stretch for a wild fire fight, huh? Maybe Sen. Arlen Specter can come up with another magic bullet theory.

Maybe, Bush will stop claiming executive privilege, and give the Congress the true report of the event it asked for...I doubt it.

You see, Tillman was a liberal. He was loud and proud of that fact; in fact. His officers feared him because he was smart and called bullshit on their Bush speak. They also feared him because his rank was specialist, which ment he was mingling and reasoning with the lower enlisted type.

Rummy tried to use Pat as a propaganda tool and realized he fucked up when Pat turned up liberal. Did you know they burned Pat's diary after his death? They did. He had plans to meet Noam Chomsky. Can you say, C.I.A?

Anyway, whatever you believe, three shots to the forehead doesn't happen unless it's on purpose...
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