The Killer Awoke Before Dawn...

He put his boots on...

















He took a face from the ancient gallery...


















And he walked on down the hall...

Band of the Week: The Red Herrings

Adorable Girlfriend is dragging around a Red Herring for me to follow. I said no, cause I'm a Loose Cannon n' shit. She says I have eight years of bad luck now. Add that to the dozens of other retarded meme's I've rejected and I have enough bad luck to last the rest of my life. Oh, well. Now leave me alone. I'm going to shake hands with my One Eyed Man and get drunk.

See The Red Herrings live tonight at Trophy's.

I Need a Cigarette

Mrs. Elmo - "Elmo, will you please mow the back yard today?"

Elmo - "The Rangers vs. Tigers game is on baby I'll do it tomorrow, promise."

Mrs. Elmo - "But it may rain tomorrow!"

Elmo - "Then I'll do the next day."

Mrs. Elmo - "What do I have to do to get you to do it today?"

Elmo - "Shave your beaver and fuck the shit out of me tonight."

Mrs. Elmo - "Done, now get the damn lawn mowed!"

And so, we had the hottest sex I've ever had in my life! For 14 years I thought I was getting her best, but HOT-DAMN she was holding out on me! I'd like to nominate the person who invented that hot sex oil for a Nobel Peace Price (I really dig the apricot flavor).

Mrs. Elmo had one of those rapid fire multiple orgasms, just when one finished...BAM, another would start. I did get a little freaked out when her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out, but she regained consciousness pretty quickly. "Elmo, something is wrong, I can't feel my legs!"

I wont go into detail, but it involved leather straps and a Mexican midget named Julio...

Wal Mart - 40 / Unions - Love

The middle class takes another shot to the chin. Looks like we just can't win, in this do or die situation...but we gotta hang tough, we've got to.

Why are We at War in Iraq?

Because Ronald Reagan was a dumb ass, that's why. Jimmy Carter was right, and put us on the road to energy independence, but America was infested with baby boomer yuppies who cared of nothing but greed. So they elected Reagan and we got dependent on middle eastern oil. We could of avoided all of this if the yuppies were bitchslapped back then, instead of being allowed to play tough. They were really weak, you know? It would have been easy. Will history repeat itself? Oh, wait...

Well, anyway...the reign of the chickenhawk is over.

Everybody Loves Cowboys and Clowns...

...they're everybodies hero, for just a little while.

Fuckn' Liar

So, Snowman was asked about the goons using RNC email accounts to illegally avoid the Hatch Act. His response..."Clinton Did It Too™." Only thing is, Clinton didn't do it, and went to great measure to make sure they didn't. Clinton admin memo from 1993...

















Ya know, Tony? This kind of thing can get you in big trouble with the man upstairs.

Yeeeeeee-Haaawwwww!!!

Cha-Ching! Yeah baby!!!

The Golden Goose is on the Loose...

...and never out of season

...if there is no occupation, then the U.S. has no obligation. If the glove doesn't fit...you must acquit.

Band of the Week: WoozyHelmet

We used to have Habeas Corpus, Now We Don't. But those were the good 'ol days though. You know, back When Soda Pop was Good and men were Pigs. Now you can just shut up and listen to this Bike Song.

See WoosyHelmet live tonight at The Parlor.

Iran Moves to Execute Porn Stars

Ok, that's it. Iran has finally gone too far. Nuke the sum'bitches!

They Love Them Some Bush in Albania

Maybe they're just luring him in so the gypsies can put a curse on his ass...

On the future of Kosovo...Saturday in Rome, the president agreed that there should be a deadline to end the United Nations talks, saying: “In terms of a deadline, there needs to be one. It needs to happen.”

But on Sunday, Mr. Bush tried to backtrack when asked when that deadline might be. “First of all, I don’t think I called for a deadline,” Mr. Bush said, during a press appearance with Mr. Berisha in the courtyard of a government ministry building. He was reminded that he had.

“I did?” he asked, sounding surprised. “What exactly did I say? I said deadline? O.K., yes, then I meant what I said.” The reporters laughed.

Bush Missed G8 Meeting with Hangover

(a/p photos from G8 party in Germany)


It's true. I knew he was drinking again...

Band of the Week: American Headcharge

Loyalty go bye bye for Scooter, ooh his poor pooter. Now that American Idol is All Wrapped Up, can we start focusing on the war? Just So You Know, this band is from Minneapolis.

See American Headchange tonight at Red 7.

Contrast for Contrast's Sake

29%

Can I get a "Hellllll Fuck. Yeah!"

A federal appeals panel struck down the government policy Monday that allows the FCC to $$fine$$ stations and networks if they broadcast shows containing obscene language.

FUCK YEAH! Take that shit you cock sucking, tight-ass, mother fuckers!!!

The chairman of the FCC, Mr. Martin, is pissed off: noting that “Hollywood will be able to say anything they want, whenever they want.”

It's called freedom of speech Mr. Martin...get used to it.

George Bush Hates Me...But His Women Love Me!

"I am very proud to be here today with..." Elmo started, when Mrs. Bush let out an enthusiastic "Oh my!" You see, Elmo left his fly down during his last wiz and big willy had fallen out. "No Jenna!" Elmo whispered sternly, trying to keep his smile. "This is not the time, OR the place..."


















It's going to be one wild night!