Wednesday, June 27, 2007

I Need a Cigarette

Mrs. Elmo - "Elmo, will you please mow the back yard today?"

Elmo - "The Rangers vs. Tigers game is on baby I'll do it tomorrow, promise."

Mrs. Elmo - "But it may rain tomorrow!"

Elmo - "Then I'll do the next day."

Mrs. Elmo - "What do I have to do to get you to do it today?"

Elmo - "Shave your beaver and fuck the shit out of me tonight."

Mrs. Elmo - "Done, now get the damn lawn mowed!"

And so, we had the hottest sex I've ever had in my life! For 14 years I thought I was getting her best, but HOT-DAMN she was holding out on me! I'd like to nominate the person who invented that hot sex oil for a Nobel Peace Price (I really dig the apricot flavor).

Mrs. Elmo had one of those rapid fire multiple orgasms, just when one finished...BAM, another would start. I did get a little freaked out when her eyes rolled back in her head and she passed out, but she regained consciousness pretty quickly. "Elmo, something is wrong, I can't feel my legs!"

I wont go into detail, but it involved leather straps and a Mexican midget named Julio...


Blogger John Q. Public esq. said...

good for you! golf-clap!!
hell, even the east german judges gave you two a 9.38

Tue Jun 26, 09:33:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Elmo said...

Thanks JQP. You know, we've been really working hard in the off season, and, finally paid off. The German judges noticing the originality really made it all worth wild. That was a pleasant surprise...

Tue Jun 26, 10:16:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous jack rabbit said...

You still owe me 10 bucks for playing the part of Julio.

Wed Jun 27, 08:24:00 AM CDT  
Blogger Timmy said...


Wed Jun 27, 08:59:00 AM CDT  
Blogger Elmo said...

Yeah right, Jack. You know I can only afford migrant labor.

No timmy, my dick gets hard when the wind blows.

Wed Jun 27, 12:21:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Nölff said...

I likes em' hairy.

Wed Jun 27, 03:23:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous Res Publica said...

This post made me feel dirty.

Which I love.

Wed Jun 27, 03:38:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

I am willing to bet good money that if the real Ms. Elmo read this -- someone would be surfing the couch on the lawn tonight.

Wed Jun 27, 03:59:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous jack rabbit said...

Oh yes ag, surf city for sure.

And his wife is really that good.


Wed Jun 27, 07:45:00 PM CDT  
Blogger Elmo said...

Only in your wet dreams jack. But I have noticed you can't stop looking at her ass

Wed Jun 27, 09:37:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

You know it's true, Jack! True, true, true!!

Elmo, you've been tagged at RoD.

Thu Jun 28, 08:34:00 AM CDT  
Blogger Elmo said...

Dammit AG. I'd like to help but...I'll turn to dust if I do something that gay. I'm Catholic.

Thu Jun 28, 10:11:00 PM CDT  
Anonymous Adorable Girlfriend said...

No worries. You'll suffer 8 years of bad luck. No guilt, or anything.

Fri Jun 29, 11:12:00 AM CDT  
Blogger Elmo said...

You are adorable!

Fri Jun 29, 09:37:00 PM CDT  

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