Breaking News: Elmo Farted in Capital Building

The Capital building was evacuated earlier today when a previously unknown blogger "Elmo" emitted rank of lethal stankness that set off hazardous material alarms throughout the complex. The enormous suction fans constructed after 9/11, that usually suck money from the poor on it's way to the rich, were successful in containing the gas.

All inside escaped to the underground parking garage alive but will have to spend several days decontaminating in the make shift decontamination chambers constructed there. The ACLU has already got involved to "make their presence known" in an attempt to "stave off any abuses the Super Secret Service may be planning on detainees in that underground death chamber."

Super Secret Ultra-Supreme General of the Super Secret Service, Kleiner Detektiv, said "I don't give a fuck if you send the entire 9th fleet...not one of the quarantined in that parking garage will leave till that, that...FUNK...is off of them!" "If one of them gets out contaminated that stank could be around the world in three days!" After initially storming off Mr. Detektiv abruptly turned, pointed his finger and proclaimed "I will not let my children grow up in a stank filled world!" "Now get the fuck off my contamination site!"

Story developing.