Saturday, November 08, 2008

The Great Franchise Wars

From where we sit in history, we all have ringside seats to the start of the conclusion of the wars that have been more deadly than any other fought by Americans to date; and, in most cases, are the reasons past wars had been fought in the first place. The Great Franchise Wars.

So, it's time to place your bets.

Here are a few categories: Big Oil, Fast Food, Retail, and *SuperBanks.

The finalist in Big Oil are...

-Chevron
-ExxonMobil
-ConocoPhillips
-BP
-Shell

The finalist in Fast Food are...

-McDonald's
-Subway
-Burger King
-Wendy's
-Starbucks

The finalist in Retail are...

-Wal-Mart
-Target
-CostCo

The finalist in SuperBanks are...

-Bank of America
-JPMorgan Chase
-Wells Fargo

*What the fuck is up with this...
existing federal banking laws say that no bank can have more than 10 percent of the domestic deposit market — a threshold recently surpassed by all three superbanks.

When asked whether the government would take any action, a Justice Department official was noncommittal.


Noncommittal? What the fuck do we even need a justice department for then? Are they so brass now that they don't even pretend we are a nation of laws? Oh, wait, I get it...laws are only for the peasants.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Eli said...

Didn't you watch Demolition Man? Everyone knows that Taco Bell wins the Fast Food Wars.

Sun Nov 09, 06:12:00 PM CST  
Blogger Elmo said...

I was wondering if anyone would catch that. It sure looked like Taco Bell would win in the late 90's, but they have fell off the map...

Sun Nov 09, 06:51:00 PM CST  
Anonymous Eli said...

You'll be happy to know that Sly has explained how The Three Seashells work...

Sun Nov 09, 07:01:00 PM CST  
Blogger Elmo said...

gross...

Mon Nov 10, 05:23:00 PM CST  

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